Thursday, September 1, 2005

Anniversaries, Romance, and You

Gentlemen, please indulge me for a second or three in educating you in the finer points of romance as it relates to anniversaries. Women are, by design, a fickle collective. One minute you can do no wrong in their eyes ever, then they blink and you're the destroyer of worlds. Yet time and again they prove to us why they are worth enduring for, and as such we men persevere. We will never understand the woman's mind, nor should we. Some mysteries God created simply as a challenge to us, while others were meant simply to make Him laugh. I'll let you decide into which category Understanding Women falls, but my money says it's in the same boat as the platypus.

As regards anniversaries, I've discovered that women in general tend to be prone towards sentimentality, whereas men do not. I, for one, am about as anti-sentimental as it's possible to get. If I travel somewhere that holds a special place in my heart, a simple, yet specific, token is all that is required. Meanwhile, My Fair Lady requires us to purchase a separate suitcase to store all of the trinkets and mementos of the journey.

Not that there is anything inherently wrong with this, but it makes traveling abroad more interesting than I was initially led to believe it could be.

Women, and My Fair Lady in particular, like anniversaries. It's important to remember to either create a prospective anniversary on an easy to remember date, or write it down and tattoo it someplace on your body that you see at least five times each day. Don't worry about her, she'll remember it forever. No need to remind her either, as if she's kind, she'll start reminding you about it two months ahead of time. If she's unkind, then she'll wait until 12:01 a.m. the day AFTER the anniversary to remind you that you missed it and that the couch will be your home for the foreseeable future.

Should you be one of the fortunate few to have actually partaken of my advice, and can anticipate an anniversary, it's important to remember that wherever you go on the blessed day, you absolutely will be expected to mention that it is your anniversary. This is never more true than wedding anniversaries, with the first one being the key one. The 17th is in no way as important as that first one, with the next major one being the 5th, then the 10th, and so forth.

I'm just saying. Good luck, and good day.

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