Now Playing: Thank You For Smoking

About 10 minutes into Jason Reitman's brilliant Thank You For Smoking I was gasping for air on account of how hard I was laughing. After seeing this I've become even more disenchanted with the usual bluster of awards talk because none of the Best Actor discussions I've seen have brought in Aaron Eckhart for his potrayal of Nick Naylor. Per the norm, at least several brilliant performances go ignored by the Academy and I could see the Oscars completely passing Eckhart over and that is a huge mistake.

Simply put, the man is brilliant as Naylor, a genuine snake who is the point man for all PR the tobacco industry puts out. Naylor is front and center and as he points out about 30 seconds into the film, when you think of all the people and industries that hate and actively seek the destruction of the tobacco industry, they all have to go through him first. What makes him so delicious a character is the way nothing sticks to him in the slightest. He's so slick he makes oil seem dry, and Eckhart is hilarious as he navigates Naylor through one awful situation after another.

Oddly enough, some of his best scenes are with a kid actor who up to now has been nothing but a blank for me. Cameron Bright was the creepy empty-space kid in Birth and X-Men 3 so him showing not only life but actual pleasure at being a kid was sort of weird for me as a viewer. His scenes with his dad Nick are terrific because, much to his mother's chagrin, he is his father's son and seeing him learn from the master is pure comedy gold.

On a related note, Katie Holmes again shows a the complete lack of gravitas that caused her to be the lone sore spot in Batman Begins. She plays a reporter who hooks up with Nick for the sake of a story and while I'll grant she delivers on the knock-out line of the film (regarding Nick and his segment on tv) she never comes off as the hard-boiled investigator her character so clearly is meant to be. Maybe it's for the best that Looney Tom and his cult have her locked away in a dungeon somewhere. At least she won't screw up the The Dark Knight when it hits next year.

I could go on and on about the performances with special accolades to William H. Macy as an activist senator and Maria Bello and David Koechner as Nick's compatriots in arms. But for me the buck stops with the great J.K. Simmons who simply demolishes everyone and everything in his path to get to the funny. Just as he does in the Spider-Man films, Simmons fires words out of his mouth so fast you'd think they'd come from a machine gun. Everything the man says in Thank You For Smoking had me in hysterics and for that reason alone I'd recommend the film.

But there is so much more going on here that this demands repeat viewing. What elevates the film considerably is how it doesn't obviously take sides in the issue, as surprising as that may sound. Oh sure, you get a lot of positives and negatives on both sides of the tobacco issue pretty much start to finish and by no means does the industry come out clean. But in the end the film tries to hammer home one fact above all and that is this is a free country and we should enjoy those freedoms to our hearts' content.

Try Thank You For Smoking and I can guarantee that you'll enjoy it.

Ice, Ice, Baby '07 Ed.

So the other day a few storms blew threw north Texas and brought with them a 30+ degree drop in temperatures across the state. The meteorologists were jockeying for position on top of the pile to claim that it was the worst disaster to hit the metroplex in forever. If there was ever any doubt that the media at large thrives on bad news (the more horrific the better) then please bear witness to the way these witless wonders react when a rogue flurry hits their collective windshield.

My Fair Lady and I went to another showing of the particular house we have our eyes on Saturday afternoon during a slight pause in the cold rain. When we returned we spent some time packing our place up in anticipation of selling it within the next few months. After that we took a nap and when I woke up I went downstairs and flipped over to Channel 8 news. The first thing I did was laugh at the cute news chick who was dressed as a matador. The second thing I did was laugh harder at the proclamation that the weather guys had been there since 4 a.m. that morning chronicling the storm systems moving into the area.

Guys, there was a lot of cold rain outside but not any ice as far as I could see. Of course, the section of Dallas I live in may as well be a black hole as far as Mother Nature is concerned. Very rarely does a storm system hit the city and not go completely around us so my objectivity is somewhat tempered by this fact. North and south of us was apparently covered in a sheet of ice yet we were left out of it. What little ice we saw was mainly on my car the next morning which gave me a nice workout as I tried to get it all off.

Of course, My Fair Lady gets to her office downtown and four other people are there. The firm she works for is, shall we say, a little larger than that so when she called me I had to laugh at her expense.

"You'll never guess who's here today," she said.

"Uh, the Pope."

"No, His Holiness apparently has the day off along with all the partners and the support staff. Me, Other Guy, and Secretary #45 are the only ones here. What do you think I should do?"

"Leave." I was really into this conversation right from the start.

"I can't just go home early, even though I should."

"What are you talking about? It's not like anyone is going to stop you. If the security guards have taken the day off too then there's no one left to stop you. Go out to your car and go home."

"I'm thinking about it. But what about you?"

"Well, by this point everyone's made it in so I'm stuck. But you go have fun!"

Just to clarify, by no means was I trying to be a martyr. Everyone who works in my office had arrived by this point (late morning around lunch time) so it would have been physically impossible for me to split without being noticed. My Fair Lady figured that she may as well stay and knock out some contract work she had on her plate.

In the meantime, I fired off some e-mails and burned through the first disc of "Samurai Jack Season 3" which is exactly what I would have done were I at the house.

Was I working from home or relaxing from work?

You decide.

In the meantime, the ice burned off by noon and the weather forecasters were all in shock over how narrowly we averted disaster. Guys, by noon on Sunday, THE DAY OF THE STORM, your estimates of 3/4 to 1 full inch of ice had been scaled back to barely a quarter inch of ice and even that was just a possible. I get that this is Texas where shouting "flurries" has the same impact as screaming "FIRE!" in a crowded theater, but you people need to lighten up a bit.

If for no other reason, when disaster does strike in the future I won't be so focused on whether or not the news chick's co-anchor is going to step off camera then return dressed as Zorro.

Olay!

Now Playing: Invincible

One thing we all know about the "inspirational sports film" is exactly how things will play out. Start to finish we know the hero will face adversity, join something he/she believes in, will find themselves beaten down some more, then will find a way to win when they need it the most thus inspiring not only themselves but also their friends and family.

Absolutely nothing is different about Invincible which is sort of the point. Either you dig flicks like this or you snear at 'em.

Personally, I look at them to see how well they use the formula and to its credit Invincible does an extremely good job at entertaining without preaching. This isn't the story of a young American hockey team standing up for US pride by defeating the fearsome Russians. It's about an average guy (Vince Papale) in Philly with above-average athletic ability who tried out for the Eagles on an "open call" figuring he had nothing to lose. Then a funny thing happened.

The new head coach, Dick Vermiel, asked Vince to join the Eagles on special teams. It's a heck of a story and considering today's NFL it's probably the last time something like this would happen. Since this is based on the real life Vince Papale who really was a part-time bartender in Philly during the extremely hard '70's, we know he's going to suffer before becoming a winner and suffer he does. In the behind the scenes material (which is a goldmine on the real Papale who consulted on the film), we learn that one of the NFL players mis-timed his hit on star Mark Wahlberg and the result was everyone behind the camera afraid he'd been killed. On screen, the hit looks bad but nothing serious however Wahlberg is rather slow getting up.

The best way I could describe Invincible would be to call it comfort food. You know what you're going to get, you know the beats start to finish, but it's still a fun ride made all the more enjoyable by a personable lead in Wahlberg and a solid turn by Greg Kinnear as coach Vermiel. There's nothing Oscar-worthy anywhere, but it's a fun movie that ends right as it seems to be gearing up.

Oh, and the final scene incorporates the actual play Papale made and seeing what actually happened, and Papale's reaction to it, make the movie all by itself.

Now Playing: Layer Cake

One of these days I'm going to stop leaving Netflix discs laying around on my shelf for a month gathering dust. I really am. Honestly. Cross my heart and the whole bit. My reasoning is I'm now two-for-two on friggin' awesome movies that have sat unattended to on my shelf for far too long all the while a host of other gems piled up in my Netflix queue.

Some might not consider Virgins From Hell a gem but those people are merely uninformed.

As for Layer Cake, I was just blown away by Matthew Vaughn's sure-handed direction and Daniel Craig's star making performance. I understand now why the Bond producers thought of him for the role after seeing this because even though the character he plays isn't a badass by any stretch of the imagination, he captures the suave, sophisticated and know-it-all seen-it-all essence that is the very soul of James Bond.

Little wonder then why I fell head over heels in love with Casino Royale, in large part due to Craig's performance.

Both Craig and Vaughn prove themselves the real deal right from the start in Layer Cake as Craig's narration sets up his character the world of drug dealers he inhabits. His character, never referred to by name, runs a small travel business as a front for narcotics traffic in the greater London area. He has three other members on his team and does his primary business with a big boss named Jimmy. Jimmy's right hand man is played by the always awesome Colm Meany whose cherubic face hides a hard-boiled menace that is just wicked to watch unleashed. Meany was easily my favorite character on Deep Space Nine and I normally enjoy a movie more by a factor of 50 if he's in it.

The opening 10 minutes sets the stage in grand fashion and it's to Vaughn's credit that he does more with less than Martin Scorsese did with the entire first hour of Casino which did much the same thing. It spelled out how things work in the business while at the same time introducing all of the majority players. While that sequence was easily the best part of Casino, Vaughn reigns things in and gets down to business quickly. Once the stakes, the world, and the players involved are all laid out, it's time to screw everything up and when things go wrong they go completely off the deep end.

I think I spent the better part of Layer Cake with my jaw on the ground at the sheer awesomeness of it all. Coming off of Brick presented me with the challenge of comparing American crime noir to that of Britain and between the two I preferred Layer Cake. It remembers to entertain instead of wallowing in how clever its screenplay is and while I think the final few double-crosses mute the power of one of the endings, the film nevertheless is a strong and bold announcement of major talent coming into their own.

I realize now what a shame it was that 20th Century Fox and Vaughn couldn't come to an arrangement for Vaughn to direct X-Men 3 as he was originally slated to, but at least he was responsible for Kelsey Grammer as Beast which was a brilliant bit of casting. As for Craig, I think his work here and in Infamous will define him as an actor moreso than the flashier Bond series will. But what I was most surprised by with Casino Royale was in just how good he was with the darker and more emotional side of Bond. He may look like more of a bruiser and less a suave elitist, but he was so good that I can only hope the next few Bond films are as good as Casino Royale was.

This is all a long way of saying that Layer Cake is an excellent flick that will be enjoyed by anyone who digs crime films. Oh, and the love scene with Sienna Miller has one of the best uses of a song I've seen in forever.

An Op-Ed on the Next-Gen Console War

As you can see from the title, this will be a gaming-related article so if you're not interested then skip on to something else.

According to VG Charts, Nintendo's Wii is smacking the crap out of both the Xbox 360 and the PS3. How do I arrive at such a conclusion considering the 360 has double the sales numbers of the Wii? Simple.

The Wii has been out for roughly six weeks.

Now, will the Wii continue to dominate through the course of this generation? It's hard to say considering Nintendo's track record of putting out first party gems every nine months or so with a whole lotta "meh" filler in between. I may give Sony a hard time on the PS3 (deservedly so) but by all accounts it is a solid piece of engineering and Sony does not skimp on the games. From the looks of things, their slate of titles this year will be impressive provided they all ship on schedule. Microsoft falls somewhere in the middle which is a position they should, frankly, get used to. I honestly think for all their bluster, Microsoft is going to have to settle for being the Number Two Man through this generation and possibly the next one as well.

Practically everyone under the sun has weighed in with their opinions on all three consoles and where things are headed, and every one of them (read: us in the gaming press) are talking out of their butts because we've never seen anything like this. By "this" I mean a seismic shift in the gaming demographic which happened virtually overnight as well as skyrocketing development costs by the Powers That Be, micro-transactions that allow the Powers That Be to nickle-and-dime us for things already in the game (read: Viva Pinata), and EA's staunch refusal to do anything about the problems in Madden.

Gaming has now entered the big time, and for the record I believe this generation of consoles will be the one that sets the standard for all that will come down the line. Prior to now, the term "gamers" was aimed squarely at the cliche of angst-ridden teenage boys sitting in their parents' basement playing video games with their friends until 2 a.m. surrounded by empty cans of Mountain Dew. This misconception was recently shattered and at the heart of it all is Nintendo's little console that could.

Take a look at your Xbox and Playstation controllers. Pick them up, weigh them, then examine how many buttons are on each one. Do the same with your PC's keyboard and mouse then recall when we all played flight sims (both on earth and in space) back in the day where we'd use almost every button on the keyboard. Now ask yourself this question: Were we working or were we playing?

Bill Harris made this same point the other day and he's right. What Nintendo has done with the Wii is strip away the complexity inherent to video gaming and made it so accessible to the mainstream that now a grandmother can roll 185 on Wii Sports Bowling with her grandchildren who are used to rolling aliens with heavy weapons in Gears of War on the 360.

Which game can justifiably be accused of bringing the room together?

Almost instantly, the gaming universe shifted. Every woman I've talked with who previously regarding gaming as "that thing my boyfriend/husband/ex does in the living room" is fascinated by the Wii. They all want one of their own because they want to dance around while they play instead of sit on the couch. The question is, how long will it last?

As noted, Nintendo tends to drag their feet on getting quality material for their consoles into our hands in a timely fashion and they have a real chance to storm the beaches and take a commanding lead with the Wii. Head over to iTrackr.com and run a search for Hot Items and see what pulls up. Without question, the Wii will be sold out regardless of zip code. Compare that to the PS3 which will absolutely be in stock everywhere. What the hell?

Simple - it boils down to "fun." Every one of us at E3 last year came out saying that "fun" was what it felt like to play the Wii. It was pure "fun" in a way many of us were unfamiliar with except on a primal level. For the past 20+ years, we've been conditioned to think that the more complex a console was the better it was by default. Sony's entire marketing campaign for the PS3 has been about the awesome fury it would unleash on every household in the world, but not one time did they ever mention how much fun their games would be.

Exactly five seconds after picking up the Wii controller and actually using it results in a euphoric high no other console has matched, ever. The closest approximation is Guitar Hero because it also taps into that same primal level. All of us have played air guitar at some point in our lives, and every single one of us wanted to be a rock god for at least a fleeting moment when we were kids. Then Guitar Hero hit and not only provided an excellent gaming experience by itself, but also captured the essence of "fun" that comes from flailing around like an idiot to your favorite song when no one else is looking.

Now take that very same essence and inject it into a console and the potential you're looking at is limited only by a developer's imagination. There will be plenty of junk released to be sure, but the titles devoted solely to the Wii's control scheme that maintain the essence of "fun" will score and score big.

So what of the other two consoles? I have a few thoughts on each so bear with me just a bit longer.

Sony's mistakes this past year have been so numerous it is literally impossible to count that high. The only thing they should have done is shut up and put out the console. Oh, and slash that damn price tag by $150 at least and then they'll get some better press and attention. Their laughable attempt to force mass acceptance of Blu-Ray technology was boneheaded to say the least because the tech is at least two years away from being properly pushed by the software. Anyone that claims either Blu-Ray or HD-DVD are better than the other haven't seen anything yet from either format because they're still just ramping up. Show me Lawrence of Arabia completely restored in both HD-DVD and Blu-Ray side-by-side and I'll be far more eager to proclaim a victor.

In short, I'll wait a few more years for the kinks to work themselves out so I'll let the early adopters drool all over themselves in the meantime. For me, DVD wasn't worth paying attention to from a consumer point of view until roughly 1999 which was two years after the first players hit. I knew immediately that it was the future and was genuinely excited about it, but with technology following Moore's Law (more or less) it was smarter to hold off then and I'll do the same with Blu-Ray and HD-DVD now.

That's a long way of saying Sony shot themselves in the foot by forcing something on the market that 95 percent of consumers are in no way either informed enough about or ready to commit to. With the requisite hardware costing probably north of $1000 per console, Sony cannot commit to a price cut this soon and John and Jane Doe in Middle Of Nowhere, Nebraska, aren't about to buy one of those beasts for Little Jimmy when his perfectly good PS2 is sitting in the family room surrounded by quality games. This leads to point #2 about Sony - they are their own worst enemy.

The PS2 may not be as strong hardware-wise as the Xbox but it sure has a vastly superior games library, and this looks to continue well into next year. Microsoft has abandoned the Xbox in favor of the newer and shinier 360 (more on that in a second) but Sony still has a viable cashcow with the PS2 and intends to milk the hell out of it for as long as it can. I'm fine with that because since I don't own an HDTV then buying either a PS3 or 360 right this second isn't as much of a priority to me as enjoying the games on the current consoles. With games like Final Fantasy XII and God of War 2 hitting at the end of the generation, I believe the console is better equipped now to maintain a steady pace of solid titles for the next year (or even two).

By contrast, Microsoft has dumped development for the original Xbox completely and this just pisses me off to no end. Their view of hardware is the same as their software - we should upgrade when they say so. Well, sorry Redmond, but that just ain't the case and you can screw off for thinking so. Plenty of millions world wide are lapping up the 360 but more than a few of them have had to send them in for repairs due to faulty hardware. Microsoft's stance of "be gentle with it" and "keep it well ventilated" and "we'll make as much first-gen software backwards compatible as we can whenever we get around to it" is utter hogwash. All of it. This is a gaming console that was the first in a long while that had a viable chance to stab Sony in the heart and take its lunch money at the same time.

Instead, Microsoft let Sony pretty much do that to itself.

Now, here's where I give Microsoft a ton of grief - backwards compatible is important regardless of what people say. The majority of us who have neither the room nor the intention to have multiple big-ass consoles in our living room will need to remove the old and replace it with the new. If the new cannot play the games from the old, and offers very little in the way of attractive new software, then the new console will remain un-purchased. But there's one more kicker Microsoft more or less announced just recently:

Within the next 6-9 months, version 2.0 of the Xbox 360 will be released. It'll use a better chipset (65nm) which means it will be better engineered and quieter, and in theory shouldn't require a power brick to juice it up. Oh, and it should be far more stable than the first-gen Xbox 360's are.

This revelation should effectively kill 360 sales between now and then. It won't, but it should hurt sales among the more "plugged-in" among gamers. Certainly those of us currently on the fence will wait for version 2.0 before committing, and since there's exactly one game between now and then Microsoft is releasing (Crackdown) then I feel even better about the wait. Microsoft's attitude this generation seems to be only slightly less arrogant than Sony's and that just rubs me the wrong way. It's like both companies feel we should be grateful to them for putting out these consoles when in fact I find nothing to sell me on either system.

Yet.

In the end, it all comes down to the games and only Resistance: Fall of Man on the PS3 and Dead Rising on the 360 are the ones that grabbed my attention. The 400th interation of Madden or NBA Live can both kiss off because neither are inventive or push the genre forward. To be sure, I hate sports games exactly for their lack of innovation and nothing those fools at EA say will change my mind short of actually practicing what they preach. They've been going on for a year now about how they were going to work harder to promote new titles and new franchises but all I've seen is the same old thing of pushing graphics at the expense of gameplay. Maybe it's because I've been doing this for 20+ years now but I'm frankly sick of graphics replacing gameplay. For example, while I respect the heck out of how Crysis looks, if it's as boring and empty as Far Cry was then I won't care that it can bring my PC's graphics card to its knees. Fortunately, Nintendo took a "graphics don't matter" approach and focused on the "fun" aspect of gaming and wound up knocking it so far out of the park even they were surprised.

Both Microsoft and Sony were blindsided by the Wii and the rapidity with which it sold and continues to sell, and they must be scrambling internally to figure out what they can do to counter it. Every single Wii Nintendo can make will sell, and neither of its competitors can accurately claim the same thing. When they each decided Nintendo was a non-threat and decided to focus solely on each other they left the door wide open for Nintendo to walk in and steal their thunder.

If Microsoft, Sony, and Nintendo can actually follow through on the promise of their consoles then gaming as a whole will benefit from this generation. When companies are forced to dig in and compete with one another then the best all sides have to offer come out. Sure, there's a bloodbath left over but we the consumer reap the benefits. Xbox Live as a service forced Sony to work more on its online service which, to date, has monumentally sucked. Nintendo has uniformly ignored the online marketplace but have embraced it with the Wii and while their service might be a little rough compared to Microsoft's, both have pros and cons that each will learn from and improve on over the next year.

My predictions for where everything will end up depends heavily on the next 12 months. Until Christmas 2007 is over it is too early to call this war and anyone that says otherwise isn't looking at the big picture. Should all three companies crank out software that fully utilizes the strengths of each console then I think the Wii could be numero uno with Microsoft number two and Sony number three. I think the gap between Sony and Microsoft will narrow considerably once Sony drops that price by ~$100 and will continue to narrow when the Sony-exclusive titles keep hitting. Right now though, they're priced out of the mass market but I think they may wise up sooner rather than later. Microsoft needs to focus on getting games to market faster than they have been, and those games ALL need to be triple-A titles to have enough of an impact to keep Sony down.

This is where the playing field stands as 2007 begins. How this field will look when the year comes to a close is anyone's guess. Fortunately, there is plenty of time between now and then for all three parties to work their butts off to impress us with shiny new games. And who knows?

Maybe some of them might even be system sellers.

Now Playing: 24 Season 5

Previously on 24...

Jack Bauer fought valiantly against evil terrorists led by the charismatic Habib Marwan (Arnold Vosloo) and encountered/defeated many foes, including a cameo by Naked Mandy. Yet it all came down to the newly sworn in President Logan's right hand man Walt Cummings who sent a loyalist Secret Service agent into CTU to bring in Bauer. Of course by "bring in" I mean "kill the hell out of" and so Jack faked his death and fled Los Angeles. The only ones who knew he was still alive were ex-President David Palmer, Tony Almeida, Michelle Dessler, and Chloe O' Brian which meant Bauer's lover Audrey Rains was left on the floor of CTU crying her eyes out in anguish as Jack walked off into the sunset leaving his world behind.

The following takes place between 7 a.m. and 7 a.m. tomorrow...

As much of a reboot as Season Four was, Season Five levels the playing field with a wrecking ball. Over the course of 24 episodes, practically the entire original cast is permanently removed from the series so much so I'm convinced that if a character's name isn't "Jack Bauer" in the credits then it is only a matter of time. My main fear going into each season of 24 is how much of it will get derailed by a useless subplot that drags down the whole enterprise.

I need not have worried because there is not a single moment wasted in the entirety of this season. There were a few times when my "Useless Subplot" alarm started going off, but within the span of an episode the new plot development would sort itself out and make sense. What does that mean?

No Kim Bauer screwing things up.

No stupid psycho daughter killing herself for attention.

No cougars anywhere.

No amnesia anywhere.

In short, this is Jack Bauer set on "Pure" and it is a wicked kick to the adrenaline gland. The show just builds and builds to the point where it's almost impossible to take and then it goes deliriously over the edge and keeps the suspense high while racing to the finish. Everything that's worked before is cranked up to an 11 and everything that failed before is thankfully tossed aside. Bauer is pure righteous fury from beginning to end as he tries to sort out who would want him and his friends dead, and who has the means to accomplish it.

President Logan (Gregory Itzin) is a brilliant creation, all twitches and tics and insecurities that is somehow perfectly matched by his wife Martha (Jean Smart). The ways Itzin and Smart play off one another are wonderful because they nail the shorthand couples develop over 30+ years of marriage. They say more to one another in a look or a gesture than others could in a speech. Smart has the trickier role at first because Martha has a history of paranoid delusions and clinical treatment, and as the events unfold she starts seeing through the cracks but no one will help her. Without spoiling anything further, I'll say that everything for her changes slowly as the day moves on and by the end of it she's gone through a personal hell.

The secondary roles are again filled out by the characters we've come to know and love over the last few years. Mike Novick returns at Logan's chief of staff and he's again perfectly played. When the facts are brought to bear on him towards the end he leaps at the chance to do the right thing because of his failings in season two. Secret Service agent Aaron Pierce returns and is surprisingly given far more to do this year than in seasons past.

Also, Pierce gets the best line of the entire season during a confrontation towards the end. All of Jack Bauer's many, many throwdowns pale to the amount of genuine fury and rage that Pierce puts into one line. He's been heartbroken by what he's seen and when placed in front of the source of the day's problems, Pierce looks the villain square in the eye and just throws down. I cheered too because as great as Jack's similar confrontation in the final episode is, Pierce delivered his stinging rebuke with a wounded dignity Jack is physically incapable of managing.

In short, it was the stand out moment in a season of such moments.

If you have never seen 24 and want to know where to start, then I'd recommend picking up season four then five. Season four was more of a reboot of the series than anything else, and since they cover most of the backstory with throwaway bits of dialogue you should be good to go. Season five is worth it though because it is damn near flawless from the brutal beginning to the cliffhanger ending.

Hosed

Over the Christmas season, My Fair Lady ran short of hose and dispatched me forthwith to yon Macy's. Women's undergarments do not normally faze me, yet standing in the middle of an open room surrounded by them while two women stood behind me in line I started mentally humming a song from "Sesame Street":

Which of these things is not like the other....

Word of advice to all men everywhere - when the woman in your life requests you perform this task, do so without comment unless you bring the funny. It is part of the give and take relationship. Besides, will she know if you grabbed a Cinabun on the way out the door?

I think not.

Slight Addendum - 36

So I received a package from GT the other day and it was two other games for review. I burned through Eragon on Xbox in about six hours so that brings the final tally for the year up to 36. There's almost no chance of me ever hitting this high a number of completed games again so I'm just going to take a moment to bask in my nerdiness. Thank you for playing, you've been a wonderful audience this year.

See ya on the flip side.

Now Playing: Brick... Since 10/17

The reason for the addendum on the title is that's how long this gem has been on my shelf. Around this time last month I believe Netflix actually called off the search and shifted resources towards recovery. It's given me a great joy to finally sit down and watch it if only out of pride that it be sent back by the close of the year.

Dear God why did I wait so long to watch this magnificent albeit odd gem?

If the thought of Raymond Chandler and film noir in general scares you then do not rent this movie at all. Do not spend any time on it because I can assure you that none of the joy recently visited upon me will find you. This film fires words at the screen with all the firepower of an assault rifle and it doesn't stop until the credits roll. The entire film is a hardened film noir dropped whole hog into a high school setting, and while I would argue that Buffy the Vampire Slayer used the setting to better effect it is nevertheless a bold choice.

Rob Thomas, crafter of Veronica Mars, explained how he set the series in high school because it was the last place where people across all walks of life, i.e. cliques, were actually forced to interact on a day to day basis. Brick would have been the better for it had it actually applied this lesson, but it chose to walk a different path by choosing to not use the setting to its fullest potential. Every single element down to the authority figure and the femme fatale are ripped straight from Chandler's pen and there is no difference between the use of the high school in Brick and the use of, well, any other setting where class warfare is prevalent.

Were the various cliques actually, you know, present in the movie then I would praise it as one of the boldest films of the year. Yet Brick solely focuses on a handful of characters and the lone authority figure, brilliantly played by Richard Roundtree, is limited to a single scene. The phrase "where people lunch" is used repeatedly but nary was a cafeteria in view. The director obviously chose to not have this high school even remotely resemble reality which, when coupled with how limited parents are seen and used in the film, takes away from any sort of authenticity Brick could have achieved. Does this detract from the fun of watching such a dense story unfold?

Absolutely not.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt delivers a star-making performance as Brendan, the loner who simply hangs back watching everyone and waiting to graduate so he can move on with his life. You get the feeling that he's just trying to survive high school but that doesn't mean he doesn't have his finger on the local pulse. He knows who the players are in the various cliques and he knows what the score on the street is. Rumors abound of various goings-on behind the scenes and while he may know more than he lets on, he's smart enough to stay out of the way.

All that changes when his ex-girlfriend calls him and says she's in trouble then turns up dead two days later. As he looks at her lfieless body (which is the opening shot by the way), Brendan decides to bring everything down to find out who was responsible.

This is a stunning debut by writer-director Rian Johnson who must have watched The Big Sleep, The Maltese Falcon, and Miller's Crossing about a zillion times just to get the flavor exactly right on the dialogue. I was not exaggerating when I said the words fly at you so fast they may as well have been fired at you by a machine gun, so be prepared to rewind and listen again to certain scenes. There are also some laugh out loud funny bits like "The Pin"'s mom fixing Brendan and "The Pin" breakfast. The surreal nature of it just made me howl.

Check out Brick if you're looking for a very unconventional slant on film noir, but stand by with that rewind button. It's a tricky and wordy flick, but fantastic if you're a fan of the genre.

2006 Final Tally: 35

While 2006 may not have wrapped itself up just yet, I have decided to retire from gaming for the duration. I finished off The Thing last night finally and it seemed a good enough way to go out. Fortunately, my backlog didn't explode over Christmas as I was afraid it would. The two games I received I'm anxious to tear into but since they're both 40+ hour affairs (easily twice that in Final Fantasy XII) I decided to let things end now and spend the rest of the week reading and burning off my Netflix queue.

For the curious, the following is the list of everything I finished this year:

Ratchet: Deadlocked (PS2)
Quake 4 (PC)
Shadow of the Colossus (PS2)
Space Rangers 2 (PC)
Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones (PS2)
Sin Episodes: Emergence (twice) (PC)
The Godfather (Xbox)
State of Emergency 2 (PS2)
Half-Life 2 (PC)
Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal (PS2)
Psychonauts (Xbox)
Half-Life 2: Episode 1 (PC)
Destroy All Humans! (Xbox)
Pitfall: The Lost Expedition (Xbox)
Rogue Trooper (Xbox)
Commandos: Strike Force (Xbox)
Age of Empires III (PC)
Titan Quest (PC)
007 Nightfire (Xbox)
Secret Weapons Over Normandy (Xbox)
Brothers in Arms: Road To Hill 30 (Xbox)
Brothers in Arms: Earned in Blood (Xbox)
GUN (Xbox)
Just Cause (Xbox)
Black (Xbox)
Robotech: Battlecry (Xbox)
Run Like Hell (Xbox)
Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence (PS2)
Reservoir Dogs (Xbox)
Destroy All Humans! 2 (Xbox)
Call of Duty 3 (Xbox)
LEGO Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy (Xbox)
The Sopranos: Road to Respect (PS2)
Voodoo Vince (Xbox)
The Thing (PS2)

As you can see, there are more than a few back catalog titles on the list. It's actually taken me two whole years to burn off 90 percent of my backlog and I love that it's nearing completion. Here's the caveat for 2007:

A lot of what remains are role playing games which, by default, clock in at 40 hours or more. I'm including Bully as an RPG as well even though it doesn't necessarily fall into that category. But as I look at all of that I feel proud to have accomplished a sort of purge that removes a ridiculous amount of distractions from my life. While I do enjoy this hobby, I would at some point like for it to go back to being a "hobby" and not "a way of life" which is what it's become for the last two years.

This next year looks to be a defining year for a lot of reasons though and I'm anxious for it to start. The biggest one is that I turn 30 come February and don't think My Fair Lady isn't counting down the days to that particular date. While I've never been big on birthdays, particularly my own, I can't help but feel a special fondness for hitting the big 3-0. Maybe it's the thought of growing older or being a true "adult" for the first time but whatever this odd feeling is it remains a welcome one.

My Fair Lady and I also plan on looking for a house this spring/early summer as we're tired of living in apartments/condos. This depends on several factors but if a few things fall into place as they should come March then we should be all set to go for a house and pay off our debts at the same time. So how will all of this affect my gaming?

In the immediate future there won't be much of a change, however around March things may start shifting. If all goes as planned (though honestly when does it ever?) then constant gaming should shift back towards film watching which is where it belongs. It's helpful that the majority of my backlog consists of RPGs because those require constant attention for such a long time that I won't be blowing money on games that I won't finish for another two years.

Vicious Cycle = On the cusp of being broken.

Satellite Radio - I get it now

So the other day I downloaded and installed at work and home AIM 6.0. Having tried out their Triton beta this summer, I knew they were on the right path with a few things (such as all IM conversations in one window) and absolutely on the wrong path with others (inability to use any buddy icons other than ones bought from AOL). One thing I didn't try was their streaming radio stations because since it was AOL I didn't trust them any further than I could throw them.

Out of morbid curiosity the other day though I bumped my machine up to 6.0 and started playing with it. That's when I noticed the satellite radio features at the bottom (provided by XM) so I started playing around with it. I noticed the veritable smorgasbord of choices all of which were dedicated to a particular music, and each one had dozens of sub-categories that were even further devoted to those specifics. Without even listening to tune one I fell in love with seeing such diversification in practice. This is what happens when you focus on a particular goal or product: It lets you make the most out of something by not dividing your focus by trying to appeal to everyone.

This is what I think will hurt the next-gen consoles because only the Wii seems focused on games whereas the PS3 and Xbox 360 have been pitched from the word "go" as all encompassing media solutions. Hey guys, I just want to play video games, not bask in the glory that is Sony/Microsoft.

Getting back to the music, I instantly went to the Jazz/Blues section and for the last two days I've been listening to a non-stop flow of outstanding live performances from Chicago and other blues artists. Since I hate listening to anything other than talk while in the car then subscribing to the service is a waste of money for me. But streaming this at home and the office for free has been absolutely killer this week and I get how much people dig it. A few commercials here and there but otherwise there is plenty of great music to revel in without having to avoid all the useless DJs.

Excellent work, XM, excellent work.

Now Playing: The League of Ext. Gentlemen

This was beat up a lot when it came out by fans of Alan Moore's graphic novel and it's easy to see why. Moore's book was reverent about the literary sources it cribed from and Moore's usual dedication to the finer points of character, which he then twists inward as hard as possible, was evident from the first frame. Now compare that to the movie version which is a bombastic Cliffs Notes version of the same story as filtered through the American studio system.

Again, I get the hate. But if you come at it like I did (i.e. ignorant of the source material except by proxy) then it's actually not half bad. I would never go so far as to call it great but there are quite a few things director Stephen Norrington and his merry crew of misfits managed to nail. While the effects work ranges from solid to shoddy, sometimes in the same scene, quite a few beautiful pieces emerged. Heck, there were even a few performances I enjoyed though Sir Sean was not among them.

The storyline has a group of fictional characters culled from the literature of the time being forced to work together to combat a foe known only as The Phantom. It seems this mystery man who hides behind a metal mask is stirring up trouble in 1899 Europe trying to provoke a global war. A mysterious British operative recruits these select few and calls them the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Some truly are extraordinary while others have a few secrets they'd prefer to keep hidden.

Naturally, their choice of leader is none other than Alan Quartermain (Connery). The sound of crickets chirping means no one else out there knows who that is, which says plenty about the state of literate history in our society. It hardly matters because Connery plays him exactly the way he plays all of his characters for the past 15 years. I recently found out that Connery was the first choice to play Gandalf in The Lord of the Rings trilogy which would have been an absolute disaster. Ian McKellen nailed the nuances of that character whereas Connery would use the exact same mannerisms he does in every film including this one.

On the flip side, Peta Wilson and Stuart Townsend (of all people) nail their roles to the floor and absolutely own them. Wilson plays Mina Harker (of "Dracula" fame) while Townsend plays Dorian Gray (of the Oscar Wilde novel). I've never watched Wilson's Le Femme Nikita but if she was half the animal she is in this film then I can understand the following she's developed. Mina is a dignified Victorian woman with a demon lurking just under the skin that she can barely control. I'm sure Moore milked that metaphor for all it was worth in the graphic novel, but here the film makers went for the violence rather than the social commentary whenever Mina lets her inner side out for a spin. Townsend, meanwhile, is hilarious as the upper crust Dorian who has no trouble throwing out pithy comments while slicing and dicing his foes.

Shane West pops in as American secret agent Tom Sawyer, an obvious addition per the studio, and whlie he fares well as a surrogate son for Quartermain he remains little more than a standard boring action hero. Everyone else has layers of character to draw from, but Sawyer seems to be handy with a rifle and that's about it. Another thinly drawn character was Captain Nemo but at least he had the Nautilus which is easily the coolest, and largest, submarine ever devised. Watching this beast slice through the ocean with ease was beautiful.

While this certainly is the furthest thing from lasting entertainment, it's at least a slick looking actioner. Even the many throw away lines that reference other material (looking at you first mate of Captain Nemo) are kind of fun if you just run with it and don't take them as insults to your intelligence. And did I mention that Peta Wilson is scorching hot as a barely-restrained animal wrapped in a Victorian bodice?

Now Playing: Where Eagles Dare

There's something about WWII movies from the late 1960s and early to mid 1970s that just click for me in ways that the glut of WWII-based video games never do. For every Call of Duty I can point to The Guns of Navarone, The Great Escape, Patton, and so forth. Up until recently the most I'd ever seen of Where Eagles Dare was the last five minutes. For whatever reason, whenever I would catch the film playing it was always during that scene. Courtesy of Netflix I finally managed to check out the whole film and it was terrific. I had a few problems with it to be sure, but overall it was one heck of a fun movie.

Set in the winter of 1943, Where Eagles Dare follows a determined British commando team led by Richard Burton himself who, along with a token American Ranger played by Clint Eastwood, have to break into an impregnable fortress in Bavaria to rescue an American general who is one of the main planners of Operation Overlord, also known as the invasion of Europe. If the Germans are able to break the general and find out what he knows then it could be disasterous for the Allies. But when the team first lands in the Bavarian countryside, they quickly figure out that there is a traitor in their midst who will do whatever it takes to kill them all.

In terms of plot, you don't get better than this and with good reason. The screenplay was churned out by none other than Alistair MacLean who also wrote The Guns of Navarone. It shows because the film feels more like a novel than anything else. There is a lot of setup along the way for a fairly weak pay-off, but if nothing else it entertains along the way. I found it fascinating watching all the little details slipped into the film culminating in a riveting roundtable with everyone held at gunpoint by Burton as he lays out the master plan. What makes this scene even greater is that even the viewer isn't sure whether Burton is telling the truth let alone what he hopes to gain by it.

Eastwood displays plenty of the youthful charisma that makes his early films so much fun, but he's not given much to do other than stand around and grimace. While some might argue that's all he did in his early career, he does score a few times here despite this obviously being Burton's show. Eastwood's physical capabilities loom large over Burton's and this is all the more evident during the fight on top of the ski lift car. Burton fights with a couple of bad guys as the lift descends and it's just hilariously staged. Were Eastwood the one doing the fighting then the dynamic would have been completely different and, I think, the better for it. But Eastwood eventually went on to Dirty Harry while Burton went on to Exorcist II: The Heretic so I'm satisfied justice was eventually served.

But overall the film is a lot of fun despite its rather lengthy run time and a final twist you'll see coming right from the start.

The Backlog is Crumbling...

Note: The following post is related to video games so if you have no desire to read about them then rest assured the "Now Playing" column will resume shortly.

It won't last past this coming Monday (aka Christmas 2006) but for right now my console backlog is nearing completion. I finished off Voodoo Vince this past weekend and now my backlog sits at five titles.

Five. Four of which are for the PS2. The lone Xbox title is Jade Empire which I'll confess to a reluctance to burn off if only because it puts me to sleep whenever I play it. Of the PS2 titles though, two of them are role playing games and at least one (Dark Cloud 2) is known for being looooooong. So that one will definitely not be started until sometime next year.

I'm worried though that 2007 is going to turn into the RPG Year of gaming for me which will automatically cut down the number of titles I'll finish. I added up my completed list of games for this year and the number stands at 34. Please understand that prior to two years ago I was lucky to finish five. Hitting double digits was unheard of and I sure as heck would never have imagined completing upwards of 30 games in a single year without actually buying near that many.

I'm not sure what triggered it. Maybe it was something My Fair Lady said in passing, or perhaps it resulted from a heart-to-heart conversation that my brain obviously tuned out of. But two years ago I made the conscious decision to stop buying games for the sake of buying them and actually play through the ones I have.

Working for a gaming website sort of burns you out on the hobby atfer a while. I've very few regrets of my time with Gaming Trend but one of them is having to run the gauntlet of mediocre to awful titles each year. Any fool on the street can spot that Reservoir Dogs is going to be awful, but actually being the one to play through and review it tends to kill one's enthusiasm for the hobby as a whole. I think my goal in finishing off my backlog is to be able to game because I want to. At present, I feel like I have to especially because I've recently developed the attitude that if a game is sitting out on my shelf then it must be completed at all costs.

The result of this is that my wallet no longer suffers flagrant abuse, but the downside is I walk into my house and immediately hang an albatross around my neck. This is to say nothing about my DVD library but that's a different animal altogether. Each film takes around two hours to watch compared to the 8-15 hour window most of my games require to complete.

In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have asked for one specific title for Christmas (Final Fantasy XII) because I know it'll kill me. But I'll wait on it until next year should I get it. In the meantime, I'll burn off the next title I receive for the site (which should come in tomorrow) and then I'm done with 35 completed console and PC games for the year.

Almost got 'em...

Now Playing: The Venture Bros. Season 1

This is a cartoon series that first aired on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim block a few years back and was meant to spoof the old "Johnny Quest" and "Scooby-Doo" franchises. But what it really does is so much better. It provided Yours Truly with at least a half dozen laugh-out-loud moments per episode and with 13 episodes total... well, you can do the math.

In short, The Venture Bros. Season 1 is a laugh riot especially if you don't mind a healthy dose of bodily humor. The series somehow picks the oddest moments to change from overt gross humor to implied gross humor, so you never quite know what you're going to get each time.

What never changes is that glorious he-man masculinity personified Brock Sampson (brilliantly voiced by Patrick Warburton) will swing in and save the day as the two Venture Brothers, Dean and Hank Venture, and their brilliant but narcissistic failure of a father Dr. Rusty Venture, all get themselves into one hot spot after another. It seems that Dr. Venture has racked up quite the collection of mortal enemies in his time, a lot of which was inadvertent, and they all want to see the Venture dynasty brought to its knees. Dr. Venture himself, meanwhile, tries and fails miserably to live up to his world-changing father's lofty status, but since he's completely unable to do so, and his children are both idiots, he consoles himself by popping "diet pills" and berating everyone he sees.

You're either going to love this stuff or hate it but if you're laughing through the first episode then you're good to go for the rest of the season. Because it only gets better/worse from there.

The characters are wildly varied though clearly draw their inspiration from previous trailblazers like The Tick. My favorite, other than Brock Sampson, wound up being a toss-up between Dr. Girlfriend, significant other of Dr. Venture's "arch-nemesis" The Monarch, and Dr. Orpheus, a necromancer who boards in the Venture Compound with his daughter Triana. Dr. Girlfriend's combination of personal neurosis and jaw-dropping beauty are wonderfully off-set by her somewhat "throaty" voice. Dr. Orpheus is hilariously over-the-top as a magician who constantly tries to wow the crowd with spectacle even when it's just him in the room. A close third would be H.E.L.P.R. who for whatever reason kept cracking me up, especially in the episode where the Venture clan goes to the space station.

About the only thing truly "off" with the series would be the endings. Almost without fail, the episodes just end as they seem to build to either a crescendo or punch line. I think only one or two actually had an ending that left me satisfied or laughing whereas the others didn't even have the good grace to build to a solid cliff-hanger. So if you go in accepting this flaw, which reportedly has been corrected with season two, then there isn't much else to complain about.

Even the animation is pretty solid and certainly looks better than the average Saturday morning cartoon. The Venture Bros. adventures span high and low around the globe and when the finale manages to spoof both Perry Mason and Total Recall in the same 22 minutes it makes me angry that the second season isn't on disc yet. It's far too soon to throw out the "classic" label just yet but this is hilariously inspired comedy that hits so many buttons so frequently that it's well worth checking out.

Oh, and stay through the credits as each episode has a moment at the end. Also, the Christmas "bonus" episode alone makes the series worth watching but save this until you've seen everything else.

Wallet a Gone-Gone

So My Fair Lady accompanied Yours Truly to get my hair cut on Saturday and from there we went to Lowe's to pick up a Christmas tree. Somewhere in between there my wallet grew a pair of legs and wandered off.

By mid afternoon, the few credit cards in the wallet were cancelled and the respective accounts notified that I was who I said I was and no one else was me. Now it's just a matter of getting a new driver's license and social security card issued because genius me left his SS card in his wallet. When I went to the website to print off the forms I'd need to get a new one, I found the little bon mot advising people to keep the card under lock and key someplace secure. I'm sure they envisioned a battery of machine guns pointed at it along with exploding dogs and a phalanx of dragons guarding it from theft.

Now they tell me.

I swung by the Plano DMV today and was only 300 people behind when I walked in. I waited for a bit, then took off as rumor has it the downtown location is far more accessible to those who lack the patience to queue. In the meantime, I'm studying up on a company I have to pound out a script for this week for their corporate video. They've only wanted to do this since August so naturally they wait until right now to pull the trigger. Add to that three reviews to knock out for the site and I may as well bring my pillow and blanket into the office for the rest of the week.

Oy.

On the flip side, My Fair Lady is working late as well this week as she has four real estate closings by Friday. The translation being that this past weekend was the most I'll see of her for a while unless I check out the picture I have of her in my wallet....

Crap.

Now Playing: Wordplay

I've mentioned before how one of the things I love about the internet is how easy it is to stumble onto gems you wouldn't otherwise hear about in daily conversation. One of the places I frequent is Aint-It-Cool-News and despite the regular idiocy on display, their star contributor puts out a DVD blog every so often and it's always chock full of great finds. One of those happened to be a documentary called Wordplay that just so happens to deal with crosswords.

I'll confess that the infamous New York Times crossword is a mark of intelligence I fail to surpass. The people who do that one in pen are far better versed in the art of crossword negotiation than I but Wordplay brings that world to the ordinary person in terrific fashion. To the film's credit, it never dumbs things down either but it makes the world of the daunting puzzles far more familiar than I would have thought possible.

It helps that the focus of the film is so engaging and personable that you can't help but like the guy right from the start. His name is Will Short and he's the section editor of The New York Times. His job is to oversee all the crosswords that make it into the paper and he also hosts a show on National Public Radio devoted to crosswords. He also emcees an annual national crossword puzzle challenge up in Stamford, Connecticut, every March and the documentary builds up to the event.

Along the way we also meet Merle Reagle who actually designs crosswords. Did you know that with the way crosswords are designed, if you turn it around so the top is the bottom and the bottom is at the top it looks identical? Me neither. But watching Merle crank out a puzzle is truly amazing, but what really blew me away was what came next.

Up to this point the documentary interviewed a number of famous people who love doing crosswords including Bill Clinton, Jon Stewart, Ken Burns, the pitcher for the Yankees, and the Indigo Girls. After we see Reagle make his puzzle and submit it to Short for publication, we watch as all of these people work on the puzzle at the same time. It cuts between each one's efforts to finish it and watching how everyone approaches crosswords provides a unique insight into the people involved.


Features Bill Clinton, Jon Stewart, Ken Burns, the pitcher for the Yankees, and the Indigo Girls all working to solve the same puzzle at the same time. As we watch the history of the crosswords and how people came to love these little diversions, including an interesting sub-note on the first editor at the Times directly responsible for crosswords, we meet several people who compete every year in Stamford.

This all leads up to the actual competition in March where it boils down to three people: Al, who's placed third the last four years in a row, previous champion Trip who lives in Ft. Lauderdale, and Tyler who is a 20-year-old college student jockeying to be the youngest champion ever. Remember how I said I couldn't do the Times puzzles at all? Well, these are people who burn through them in less than five minutes. Heck, Al complains at one point that he can never get under that two minute mark.

Wordplay is an exceptionally enlightening and fun documentary on a subject so prevalent in our world that we merely accept it as easy as we do the sun. I love how this documentary fills in the blanks, so to speak, on the subject of something so prevalent in our society that no one up to now has thought to ask, "How did that come to be?" This is a gem that you should definitely check out.

Now Playing: SARS WARS: Bangkok Zombie Crisis

First off, that title is one of the greatest ones I've ever heard and I've heard plenty of them. Second, the film is an absolutely silly cartoon of a flick that will either make you howl with laughter or righteously test your patience. For me, I was definitely laughing start to finish. Just look at the cover art and you'll either want to see a flick like this or not.

SARS Wars: Bangkok Zombie Crisis is many things but deadly serious it is not. The SARS virus has apparently mutated through several forms and spread like wildfire across the globe with only Thailand being spared. That changes courtesy of a bug that escapes from an infected Africa and lands in Bangkok. At the same time, the daughter of a high-profile gangster is kidnapped by some rather ridiculous thugs who hold her in a residential tower downtown. Her father's friend unleashes his "greatest student" and instructs him to rescue the girl from the tower. About the time he gets there is when the infection starts to spread to the residents and all manner of insanity are unleashed simultaneously.

The film establishes right from the start that it's a wild bit of low-budget insanity. The kidnapping itself is just bizarre but if you find yourself even the slightest bit amused then you're good to go for the rest. What makes things even funnier is how the characters don't so much change the rules of the film's universe so much as they make them up as they go along. One minute a horde of zombies are slaughtering party goers and the next a surly old mentor whips out a laser sword while a giant snake eats everything in sight.

Again, you'll either run with it or run from it.

I especially got a huge kick from the self-referential nature of the dialogue. When a government agent holds up a special weapon and proudly says her fellow associates created it, a reporter bemoans the fact that it was "made in Thailand." The characters also routinely take pot shots at the schlock nature of the flick they're starring in. There's some brutally funny stuff pointed squarely at the Thai film commission as well.

None of the characters are fleshed out which may be part of the joke. Everything and everyone involved is little more than a live-action version of a "Tom & Jerry" cartoon only with zombies. But to a person they all throw themselves into their roles so I can definitely admire their enthusiasm. The lead actor in particular has a brilliant poker face which turns the majority of his dead-serious proclamations into howlers.

On the flip side, the low budget shows frequently especially in the effects department. The mutant baby is about the worst thing I've ever seen, but at least it's balanced by the extremely demented comedy involved. Also, there aren't any scares per se in the flick so if you're looking for thrills then look elsewhere.

This is definitely on the opposite end of the spectrum from Dawn of the Dead so a back-to-back screening of these would seem the perfect compliment. One goes for the jugular while the other goes for the funny bone, with neither a true success.

Now Playing: Dawn of the Dead (remake)

I usually find horror films to be fairly vapid experiences. All blood and no guts, if you take my meaning. When the word came down that George Romero's classic Dawn of the Dead was going to be re-made I didn't even have the heart to find contempt for it. While the original is not held close to my heart, it did have plenty to say about the consumerist mentality of the time. Or so I'm told.

Truth is I've never seen the original nor have I cared to. I've seen clips here and there and frankly it just never appealed to me. But I figured I may as well try out the remake if only because it was around Halloween and a stupid zombie flick struck me as a good thing to zone out to. If the entire film had been like the opening half hour, it would easily have been one of the best films of 2004. Right from the start, the new Dawn of the Dead is interested in only one thing: Thrilling you by any means necessary.

The sheer energetic fury of the opening half hour is stunning. Even throw-away moments, like the overhead helicopter shot following star Sarah Polley's car where she barely avoids an explosive wreck, are infused with such vivid passion that I found myself slack-jawed at the sheer audacity of it all. It's awesome how the film throws in little details here and there about the coming apocalypse, then mixes in complete normalcy of everyone's lives. When all hell breaks loose it feels like the entire world has gone insane overnight and it's magnificent. Then the main characters get to the mall and the film came to a screeching halt.

It's never explained as to what exactly causes people to turn into ravenous zombies, nor is it explained as to why they would turn up at a mall by the thousands. But all that is alright so long as we have characters that are interesting and believable. Unfortunately, Ving Rhames is the lone person who fits in this category. Polley is a terrible actress who flat-out annoys me. I hated the entirety of Go for about a hundred different reasons but she was in the top three. She's equally awful here and never conveys anything other than freaking out or completely emotionless.

The rest of the cast barely register save for the head security guard of the mall. Even when they bring in several more people and turn the mall into a mini-commune all we get a sense of is a group of people surrounded by a world gone mad. You never appreciate each individual regardless of the occassional slight detail thrown in because there's jack worth of character development. It speaks volumes when one of the most compelling characters is the one who communicates via holding up white boards (he's trapped across the street from the mall).

There are a few outright shockers towards the end but otherwise things start falling apart around the middle. When we start spending time with the characters and all of them are boring the movie slows to a crawl which is in direct contrast to the manic energy of the opening. Even towards the end that energy is almost wholely absent which is a huge disappointment. I think director Zack Snyder has a solid future ahead of him, and I'm practically drooling thinking about his next project 300 come March, but he needs to work on his pacing.

Badly.

Now Playing: Feast

I'll confess to never having seen a single minute of the Project: Greenlight series that aired on Bravo for three seasons. Funny considering how into film I am but I just never gave it any thought. Part of that is my literal zero interest in anything even remotely approaching "reality tv" up to and including an in-depth show based on the film industry. This reasoning will most likely lead me to miss the upcoming Spielberg-produced reality show where he cherry picks a director, but such is life. Feast is the only movie of the three Project: Greenlight's I was interested in because when it actually started screening people actually made the remarks that it was good.

The previous two movies were "coming-of-age" stories which, if done right, can be quite compelling. If they're completely botched in the execution as both were, however, they can practically kill the genre dead. So I'm guessing they decided to use the recent resurgence in horror films at the box office to see what they could cook up.

The result is an uneven, yet preposterously funny gore-fest highlighted by the way characters are introduced. Whenever we see someone new the screen freeze-frames and some text appears next to their head. We learn their name, their occupation, sometimes a fun fact, as well as their life expectancy. Some of them are laugh-out-loud funny but for my money the one that caused me to laugh so hard I had to pause the film to catch my breath appears about an hour in. I won't spoil the details because they're too good, but kudos to whomever came up with this idea.

In between the comedic bits are all the bloody ones. This film is long on guts and short on the notion of keeping people alive. The threat comes from a pack of monstrous animals living in the desert that for whatever reason lay siege to a near-by bar. These things are fast, tough, and viscious as hell as the huge body count attests to. One thing this flick does well is slaughter characters as frequently and as brutally as they can. And all this is roughly half an hour into the film...

The cast of B and C-listers deserves credit for sticking through what I'm fairly sure wasn't the easiest shoot in the world. Heck, it wouldn't have been on Bravo in the first place if everything went smoothly.

Henry Rollins is awesome as a motivational speaker and the ways he tries to band everyone together cracked me up. He's an extremely funny guy in the real world and seeing how spot-on he plays this character is just brilliant. The lovely Krista Allen has a decent role as the single-mom eye candy who's practically given up on life (as noted in her "character card," and Balthazar Getty is perfect as a prick who wants to stay as far away from the hero role as he possibly can. This includes abandoning all responsibility as often as he can along with whomever else is near by.

I will make special note that if you're even remotely afraid of witnessing eye trauma on screen then avoid Feast like the plague. Without mentioning the specifics of the inflicted injury, I will say that the scene goes on for about two minutes longer than it should have. Gore hounds will appreciate just about everything regarding the monsters and how they operate, not to mention the very colorful and plentiful deaths.

While Feast is far from a great movie, it's at least a fun movie for people with strong stomachs. Those of us weaned on The Evil Dead may have seen plenty of it before, but the absolute hilarity of the character descriptions combined with some stellar sight gags and one liners makes the movie far funnier than it has any right to be.